Grammar and Tones

I was so ignorant.

Whenever I went to a Chinese restaurant, the waiter would politely ask if we wanted to have some chopsticks. Everyone, would smile in a slightly bemused we and politely decline. Then we’d each eat our sweet-and-sour crispy duck with fork and knife, like everyone in the world.

This was in Germany, before I had ever really left the country. When I went to China for the first time, I honestly expected it to be exactly the same way. I thought in restaurants, you’d politely be offered chopsticks but people would eat with fork and knife at home. How wrong I was. In the first couple of days I learnt to use chopsticks, at least to the degree that I didn’t have to starve, or make a total fool of myself by heating with my hands or dropping the whole food all over my shirt. People commented on my good skill at handling chopsticks, which really means that I was using them so poorly that people noticed the way I was using chopsticks. Think of you meeting your friend from school for lunch – would it ever occur to you to praise how well he was using the fork?

I came back from China and was enlightened. And I came back from China and was still so ignorant.

I had met the most wonderful girl in the world in China: she was open, light-hearted, fun and easy-going, she was smart and she was beautiful. When the hotel hosting the workshop we were attending only offered only Chinese tea, she walked up to them and get us proper coffee or else we’ll all be falling asleep in the next session. Not very Chinese, neither in terms of taste nor in terms of etiquette. I had been craving for coffee all day long and had been constantly telling myself that I don’t want to be that one foreigner! She had me hooked.

Turning the (cutlery on the) tables

Back in London, it didn’t take long until we spent basically every day together. One evening, maybe I was being lazy, so I just made some sandwiches for dinner: German Abendbrot. It is very common in Germany to just eat some open sandwiches for dinner, and typically all they consist of is a slice of bread, some butter, and a slice of salami or cheese on top. A prepared three or four kinds of toppings, and presented them nicely on a wooden board and put it onto the tiny table I had in the tiny room I was able to afford in London as a student. My wife (girlfriend at the time) was intrigued and fascinated by this exotic and exquisite kind of food. Till today she proudly tells friends the story of how I made German dinner for her…

Another day, I made an only marginally more complex German dinner. I fried a piece of meat, boiled some potatoes and added a few peas as a side dish. I happily started eating and when I was already half finished I noticed that my wife had barely eaten anything. Then I was observing her: she was holding the knife the wrong way round! Like the way you would hold a knife if you wanted to stab someone. Same with the fork. It looked so awkward how she was trying to cut the meat that I was surprised that she had managed to cut a piece off at all. I wrapped my arms around her and turned fork and knife around and guided her hands back and forth to cut – rather than chop – the meat. She had never done this before. In Chinese cuisine, you chop the meat before cooking it.

I’m not very good at cooking, and I don’t like cooking either. It’s a chore for me. Hence, I have ever since focussed on presentation, rather than cooking skill, when I wanted to make something nice for my wife. Once, I carved ducks and penguins and other animals out of some apples and bananas. Believe me, there have never been any tastier apples and bananas. The way to the heart is through the stomach. But we eat with our eyes first.

Like to a child I taught my wife how to eat with fork and knife. Like to a child my wife taught me how to eat with chopsticks. It as if we been with each other from our birth on, and we have grown together, completed each other, and give the other what they didn’t have.